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In the fifties the journalists referred to it as “wife-swapping.” Today it’s named “swinging,” but despite of its name this sexual performance seems to be growing in recognition among ordinary, grown-up married couples in the US. The popular media are paying increasing attention to the trend, frequently putting a positive spin on the effects which swinging has upon relationships. The North American Swing Club Association (NASCA) claims there are structured swing clubs in more or less all states as well as Canada, England, Germany, and Japan. These clubs are profitable enterprises which supply all levels of group activities for swingers including vacation plans, special retreat sites for swingers, and annual conferences and seminars. Lifestyles, Inc., a swingers tour agency, booked 700 couples at a resort in Jamaica in December of 1999.
What precisely is swinging? Dissimilar “open marriages” of the 1970’s which promoted non-possessive love and acceptance of unfaithfulness in their spouses, or “polyamory” - the love of numerous sex partners at once – swinging is non-monogamous sexual action, treated much like any other social activity, that can be practiced as a couple. Emotional monogamy, or dedication to the love relationship with one’s marital partner, remains the major goal. Wife swapping is typically done in the company of one’s spouse and requires the involvement of both to the practice. Although swingers often become close friends with other swinging couples, there are regulations restricting emotional involvement with non-spousal partners. While swinging involves having sex with people other than one’s spouse, its adherents claim that it enhances the relationship of the swinging couple both sexually and emotionally. By removing the secrecy and dishonesty inherent in one’s natural wishes for sexual variety, the couple can discover their fantasies mutually without dishonesty or guilt. By removing the necessity for deceit from the sexual life, a fresh height of reliance and openness about all of one’s feelings is apparently achieved without the destructive baggage of jealousy.
Swinging as an alternative lifestyle is of both practical and intellectual importance because the attempt to combine sexual non-monogamy with emotional monogamy is deeply “abnormal” from the western model of romantic love which assumes that sexual and emotional monogamy are mutually reinforcing and inseparable. It has yet to be demonstrated empirically whether this alternative lifestyle actually strengthens or weakens marital bonds, but in an era where 37% of husbands and 29% of wives, sometimes so-called milfs confess to having had at least one extra-marital affair, where divorce rates for first marriages are approaching 62%, and where family shakiness and parental neglect of children has become a major national concern, any attempt to redefine “love” and fortify the marital bond is worthy of our attention. If swingers have found a way to stabilize relationships, extend family ties, and enrich the lives of couples we would be remiss if we did not take their lifestyle and their redefinition of monogamous love seriously.
It is concluded that swingers surveyed are the white, middle-class, middle-aged, church-going section of the residents reported in past studies, but when it comes to attitudes about sex and marriage they are less racist, less sexist, and less heterosexist than the general public. Swinging appears to make the vast majority of swingers’ marriages happier, and swingers rate the happiness of their marriages and life satisfaction in general as higher than the non-swinging population.